Gay

The "Did you know you were gay?" question

One thing all gay men who have had relationships with women, and this is especially true if you are blessed with children, is the inevitable. "Did you know you were gay?" question. This conundrum seems to be a real mind-melt for a lot of people, especially when they have had little exposure to the gay thing, generally speaking.

I have lost count of how many times I have been asked that question by virtual strangers. There have been many times when my inner Paul has screamed "mind your own god damn business, when did you lose your cherry and what has my sexuality got to do with you"? While the outer more personable Paul smiles and responds with a more cordial, and socially usable cue card from the pile we all carry in our virtual back pockets, with something along the lines of "Well yes I did but it was a part of me I buried" etc etc etc.

Submitted by community on Sat, 15/09/2007 - 6:58pm

Paul's story - granddad at 41

Just as I got into bed last night I received a text from my daughter. It read "One hundred years from now it will not matter what sort of house I lived in or the car I drove, because the world maybe different because I was important in the life of a child." I lay there in silence for some time and re-read the text as I thought it through.

Just to let you know, my daughter is twenty one and I have just turned forty one, literally last week. She announced on my birthday, by way of sending me a scan via our phones, a picture of my yet unborn, three-month old grandchild. Stunned is the word I would use to describe my 41st birthday! Anyway now you know a little about me, I want to get back to my point, and the point being is this. I love my daughter, she is the single most important person in my life and there have been many painful times over the years where my sexuality could have compromised my ability to be the father I wanted to be. I had to fight very hard to keep Emily in my life when I spilt with my then wife. She had huge issues of anger to manage, and I had huge issues of failure to factor into my life at the time. We had to meet somewhere in the middle. This was not a period of my life I would want to re-visit. It was tough, lonely and painful. My need to begin my journey as a gay man was greater than the cultural pressure to remain a husband.

Submitted by community on Thu, 13/09/2007 - 6:05pm