Home Improvement

Since becoming an at-home Dad, I have taken it upon myself to save money by doing things around the house for which I would have previously hired a professional. I am now considering several home improvement projects. The first was installing new toilets.

Improving one's home by one's self should be carefully measured. From my days as the service manager at my family's garage, one concept stands out: it is one thing to change a part, it is another to diagnose a problem and then repair to solve that problem.

Confessions of a stay home dad - part 6

WHEN A HEAD-BUTT SAYS I LOVE YOU

This morning at 6.45am, not long after we'd finished reading The Chicken Chickens Go To School and James had polished off his bottle, he sat up in bed, smiled and head-butted me right on the nose. I cried out in equal parts shock and pain. It hurt! The look of surprise and remorse on James’s face quickly gave way to protracted wailing. It was clear in his mind this was not the reaction he expected from me.

The head-butt is a recent phenomenon. Previous efforts have been ill-timed, glancing blows off the side of my leg and once or twice our dog Chili has been on the receiving end of James' advancing forehead. I've put it down to an extension of the rough'n tumble play that we were engaging in at the time, accidental collisions as opposed to full on skull warfare. But this morning was different. There had been no roughing or indeed tumbling. We'd just been reading a book. Cuddling in bed, y'know those quiet bonding moments that we parents wish there were more of. But the smile, the force of the blow and the look of shock on his face lead me irrevocably to the conclusion that the head-butt was in fact premeditated; an extension of our bonding session. A short, sharp and painful way for James to say I love you when words, or a hug are simply not enough.

Working from home – care to join me?

Let’s face it, running a business from home while looking after the kids is an ongoing juggling act.

I’m fortunate enough to have my own home-based business, which I work in part-time. It is a catalogue shopping company specialising in products that are safer for families and the environment. I don’t take any orders, make any deliveries or do any billings. I simply set up my customers’ accounts, and whenever they purchase product it is couriered direct to their doorstep, and I receive a commission. Sounds bliss doesn’t it?

Submissions to DIYFather - comment on stay at home dads

This is a comment about stay at home dads posted by Larry:

A stay at home dad is living off his wife's income, right? So I don't believe it's fair for a single man without kids to pay taxes, especially if the single man gets laid off from his job and earns a low income for the year. The cost of living is very high in Madison, WI and the single man should keep the money he earns. I will contact a senator and congressman about this.

Confessions of a stay home dad - part 5

THE LONG DRIVE

My family and I recently had the occasion to drive most of the length of the North Island, returning home from visiting the relatives. It was a landmark journey - the first long haul car trip undertaken with James, whose toddlerish exuberance is still peaking.

Toddlers aren't meant to sit down for extended periods of time - it is hotwired into their developing brains to runjumpbouncecrawlswingplayshout, not sitsitsitsitsit. So the aim of the game was keeping the small person happy and by extension, us. This wasn’t just pure altruism at work either; we wanted to get to the end in one piece. Avoiding minor catastrophes in the back seat was going a long way towards avoiding a major catastrophe on the road. So we thought it out, took all those incremental lessons learnt from short trips and rolled them together into one big ball of diversionary tactics designed to get the most out of the journey for James and us. Here's what we learnt:

Confessions of a stay-home dad - part 4

THE MOWER FIXATION

My son James has many fun-triggers - people, activities, toys, filmed entertainment, food - that get him excited. Some of these things are fleeting, mere flings, flights of fancy in his busy life. Some things last longer, reach peaks of enjoyment and then taper away. And some things are hot wired into his remarkable little brain to such an extent that he exhibits Steve Austin-like powers of perception where they are concerned. There is no tapering, no fling, these are the love stories of his toddlerdom.

One such love affair is with the humble lawn mower. The gravitational pull of this mild-mannered grass cutting implement is at its most powerful around my trusty Masport. When I'm mowing the lawn nothing else on earth exists except the dribble down the front of his jumper as he watches me slack jawed through the window.

Confessions of a stay-home dad - part 3

BALLOONS

You can read all the books, take the advice, put in the hours, be the parent of the year and out of the blue something comes along to challenge everything you think you know about your child and how to handle their temperament. Toddler mood swings, assertions of independence, discovery of the outside world - all that stuff can be handled, it has a certain logic to it. For my 2 and a half year old son James, logic gets it coat and strides off into the night however, where balloons are concerned. Yes, balloons. The merest sight of a fully blown balloon reduces James to heaving sobs, streaming snot and tearful cries of "I want to go home!" He is inconsolable. Soothing whispers, bribery, toughing it out - nothing works.

It started innocently enough at a birthday party we attended around a year ago. Much to my horror a clown had been arranged. I'll come out and say that I'm not a great fan of clowns. The sight of a paunchy middle aged man with a three day beard and a polka dot shirt pulling plastic flowers out of his comedy trousers is not the kind of humour I think children should be subjected to. You don't see The Wiggles resorting to clown tricks to get the laughs. Bob The Builder doesn't have a clown friend. Anyway, back to the birthday party clown. James was quite enjoying the display of water-squirting flowers and disappearing handkerchiefs until the clown started making balloon animals. At the sound of the balloons squeaking and rubbing together poor James lost it completely. No sooner had his face creased in worry, he was at Mach 10 crying and trying to bury his face in my armpit. We had to leave. At the time I put it down to a combination of clown antics and balloon-noise. Incident forgotten.

Confessions of a stay home dad 2

WHO HAS HIDDEN THE EMOTIONAL REMOTE CONTROL?

There is absolutely no question that James has my attention. We do, after all, spend all day every day together and I am never far away if not right there with him. He is not unwell; its true what they say, you can tell when they are crying for real and this is most definitely not real crying. He is certainly not bored; we lead a pretty active life, go to playgroup, music group, play outside, go to parks, play with toys, take train rides. Nor is he tired; sleeps in the afternoon, goes to bed at 7pm with no dramas and sleeps like a champion. James is in every sense a well adjusted, happy, loved, two and half year old boy.

So why does this happen?

Time: 5.40am. James has woken up with the first light and trundles sleepily down the corridor to mummy and daddy's bedroom where, like every morning, he groggily thuds on the door.

JAMES: Daddy... open the door.

Confessions of a stay home dad

Hi there. My name is Chris and I am a house dad to two and a half year old, apple of my eye, James. I'm also referred to as a stay-home dad. I'm even called Mr. Mom by some of my childless friends. Its in reference to an obscure, tacky movie made about 25 years ago starring Michael Keaton as a father who - shock horror! - stays at home to raise his kids. In fact, it was the Mr Mom tag that inspired me to start writing this blog in the first place. To be honest, it got under my skin. If we're not viewed as a cheap source of comedy (Michael Keaton's character thinks it is beneath him to do the housework; laugh as he can't get his kids dressed for school, cringe as he gets third degree burns cooking dinner etc etc) then invariably house dads are seen as a bit weird, as if there is something wrong with us for not being the bacon providers. We may as well be missing a testicle.

Working with fathers

I am currently doing research on the involvement of fathers in their children's early education. My initial assumptions and beliefs were that mothers should stay at home with the children and be totally responsible for them, while fathers went out to earn the money. How that has changed for me now!

One day at my daughter's primary school, I met my first stay at home father. When he told me he was a stay at home dad, I think my eyes were as big as saucers. Here before me was a man who looked after his children while his wife earned the money. As I embarked on my studies as an early childhood teacher, I soon found out that dads in this situation weren't the norm and were often "looked down on" as someone a bit strange.