How mothers and fathers differ

The following content has been contributed by Maurice Mok and is published on this blog with his permission.



A study of 27 pre-schoolers found that popular children are more likely to have fathers who are physically playful, affectionate and socially engaging and mothers who are highly verbal.
[Bridging the Gap: Parent-Child Play Interaction and Peer Interactive Competence, MacDonald and Parke]

"Your child's recognition of the differences between mother and father care actually enhances his development."
—Kyle Pruett, MD

When it comes to connecting with an infant, does a mother have an advantage over a father because the baby has heard her voice for nine months?
Surprisingly, mothers do not have this type of advantage, however many men report feeling like strangers to their children at the very beginning. Fathers should not give up hope—the connection will form if they spend time with their child and play a role in her life. After all, parenting is something that both men and women learn through practice and persistence.

Women tend to play with their kids in a more structured manner than men do. Is one style better than the other?
One of the truths in life is that men and women are different, and that means moms and dads too. A child has just as much fun playing with a father, even if it is not planned out or structured—and the child is learning. By simply allowing a child to be a part of whatever task a father is involved in gives him the chance to explore, learn and bond. Structured time together can be beneficial because kids like routines, but they enjoy spontaneity, too.

Men, more so than women, tend to encourage persistence when it comes to learning new things. Is it detrimental to be more demanding?
Research shows that fathers, more than moms, tend to challenge their children and encourage them to be persistent when facing a difficult task, and that such lessons translate into social and academic confidence later in their lives. Although letting a child get too frustrated while trying to accomplish a task can be detrimental to learning, if an adult can figure out just how far to push and when to give in, he will help her understand the benefits of pushing through a hard task and build self-esteem.

Sources: Compliance and Self-Assertion, Power, McGrath, Hughes and Manire; Fatherneed, Pruett; Infant Mental Health Journal; Paternal and Maternal Behavior with Premature Infants, Marton and Minde; And Daddy MakesThree: The Father's Impact on Mother and Young Child, K. AlisonClarke-Stewart; Developmental Course of Parental Stimulation and Its Relationship to Mastery Motivation During Infancy, Yarrow, MacTurk, Vietze, McCarthy, Klein and McQuiston.