Submitted by anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 14/07/2009 - 11:53am.
Im 16 years old. My girlfriend was pregnant, i only found out, not through her, when she was already 6 weeks in :/ . We talked about it for the next week discussing it etc etc it sounds so easy when said like that but that doesnt take into account emotions, mixed feelings, excitment, fear, numbness... She wanted to run away, never let me find out she was pregnant and keep the baby, but obviously i did find out and i couldnt live my normal life of going to college meeting other girls, new friends whilst knowing that somewhere out there i have a child who would most probably be in care and a girlfriend who i can honestly say i love with all my heart alone trying to cope or worse dead as she said if it went into care shed commit suicide, and i wasnt taking that lightly as she had tried to before.. :/ we came to the decision of an abortion. not easily :( but we came to that decision. this was further complicated bu her not being able to get refered as she was under 16 and needed parental consent but eventually due to the help of a teacher she got refered and on saturday (2 days ago) she had the abortion. right now she refuses to talk to me although i spoke to her last night and she said how she needed me and loved me which i know. this is hard is an understatment. at the moment i think i hate myself, i am depressed and grieving for the loss of my child.. :/ she is also. but i think this was the right choice :/ i thought about never being allowed to meet my kid following me for the rest of my life but i never thought of the grief and guilt that would follow me :( i think my girlfriend blames me, she says i dont love her because if i did i would have let her go :( ive got a million reasons why this was the right choice but when it comes to it right now all im thinking of is my child that ive lost. this is more than hard. Im only 16, my mates dont know, i have to pretend to be normal around them, but in a way this helps, it helps me not lose track of reality, i feel like the past 12 weeks since she first got pregnant ive grown up and to be honest its not a good feeling. like i said i despise myself at the moment :/ and it will take time i spose. In fact just got off the phone to her this minute, everything feels better when you have each other, it helps the feeling of loss seem smaller, its important to talk. This is the worst thing i have ever been through in my life and a friend of mine who was very very close to my girlfriend killed herself about a week after my gf got pregnant although at the time she didnt know she was pregnant. if she was still her i know things would have been easier, the most important thing is to not go through it alone. It is so so hard, times when we've been out and seen babys in pushchairs etc have been the worst, even if we had managed to take our mind off what was going to happen that brings it right back like a ten ton weight dropping on your head. I never want to go through this again. It is hard (understatement).
I should also add i have no idea how this happened in the first place as it was the first time we had sex and my first time altogether and we used protection and nothing went wrong :/ it was a shock to say the least. I hope this helps someone in some way if they are looking for stories or anything, it helped me and is still helping me to read other peoples stories although im not sure if this will be read or not i dont know how old this post thing is, but i hope this helps someone else in the same position as me. your not alone
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Im 16 years old. My
Im 16 years old. My girlfriend was pregnant, i only found out, not through her, when she was already 6 weeks in :/ . We talked about it for the next week discussing it etc etc it sounds so easy when said like that but that doesnt take into account emotions, mixed feelings, excitment, fear, numbness... She wanted to run away, never let me find out she was pregnant and keep the baby, but obviously i did find out and i couldnt live my normal life of going to college meeting other girls, new friends whilst knowing that somewhere out there i have a child who would most probably be in care and a girlfriend who i can honestly say i love with all my heart alone trying to cope or worse dead as she said if it went into care shed commit suicide, and i wasnt taking that lightly as she had tried to before.. :/ we came to the decision of an abortion. not easily :( but we came to that decision. this was further complicated bu her not being able to get refered as she was under 16 and needed parental consent but eventually due to the help of a teacher she got refered and on saturday (2 days ago) she had the abortion. right now she refuses to talk to me although i spoke to her last night and she said how she needed me and loved me which i know. this is hard is an understatment. at the moment i think i hate myself, i am depressed and grieving for the loss of my child.. :/ she is also. but i think this was the right choice :/ i thought about never being allowed to meet my kid following me for the rest of my life but i never thought of the grief and guilt that would follow me :( i think my girlfriend blames me, she says i dont love her because if i did i would have let her go :( ive got a million reasons why this was the right choice but when it comes to it right now all im thinking of is my child that ive lost. this is more than hard. Im only 16, my mates dont know, i have to pretend to be normal around them, but in a way this helps, it helps me not lose track of reality, i feel like the past 12 weeks since she first got pregnant ive grown up and to be honest its not a good feeling. like i said i despise myself at the moment :/ and it will take time i spose. In fact just got off the phone to her this minute, everything feels better when you have each other, it helps the feeling of loss seem smaller, its important to talk. This is the worst thing i have ever been through in my life and a friend of mine who was very very close to my girlfriend killed herself about a week after my gf got pregnant although at the time she didnt know she was pregnant. if she was still her i know things would have been easier, the most important thing is to not go through it alone. It is so so hard, times when we've been out and seen babys in pushchairs etc have been the worst, even if we had managed to take our mind off what was going to happen that brings it right back like a ten ton weight dropping on your head. I never want to go through this again. It is hard (understatement).
I should also add i have no idea how this happened in the first place as it was the first time we had sex and my first time altogether and we used protection and nothing went wrong :/ it was a shock to say the least. I hope this helps someone in some way if they are looking for stories or anything, it helped me and is still helping me to read other peoples stories although im not sure if this will be read or not i dont know how old this post thing is, but i hope this helps someone else in the same position as me. your not alone