Submitted by A Mom who was a previous unrulely daughter (not verified) on Sun, 12/09/2010 - 12:28pm.
Remember you are the adult and she is the child, and temper tantrums happen at any age. I suspect that your daughter is trying to get your attention, for a response, whether positive or negative is still a repsonse. The criticism and embarrassing conduct is performing two functions. She is learning how to acert herself, as well as seeing if you are really going to stick with your attention of her. If you havn't been there, then that is what she expects, so she is pushing and putting the walls up, so that when you do walk away, which she surely suspects you will because of her behavior, that it will not hurt her. So, what can you do.... Don't give up! If you truly want to be a part of her life, then be there. Be there for the big events in her life as well as the small ones. If you say you are going to do something, then you better make sure you do it, or don't say you will. She needs to know she can depend on you. There is also a flip side. At some point she may step over the line with her words or actions. Be firm and reasonable with the discipline. I often ask my girls what they think is a comparable punishment for their infraction. Responding in a like matter is not acceptable. We rarely have yelled at our children. If we are mad and can't have a resonable discussion about the infraction, we send the girls to their room, and tell them straight out,"I am too mad to discuss this, I am going to go think about it and I want you to do the same." Besides making them sweat it out a little, you are able to think about how you want to present the discussion that has to take place and the ultimate punishment. Finally, if you punish for an infraction, be consistent. This is the hardest thing I find as a parent. One day I find I am very strict and the next I catch myself letting something slide because I am so exhausted and don't want to deal with it. Well, unfortuneately, raising children holds aspects of a career. Dilagents, Honesty, Discipline and Fair Play are all required for success. I hope my words help. Good Luck!
Reply
Don't miss out on updates and promotions - join us on Twitter
Remember you are the adult
Remember you are the adult and she is the child, and temper tantrums happen at any age. I suspect that your daughter is trying to get your attention, for a response, whether positive or negative is still a repsonse. The criticism and embarrassing conduct is performing two functions. She is learning how to acert herself, as well as seeing if you are really going to stick with your attention of her. If you havn't been there, then that is what she expects, so she is pushing and putting the walls up, so that when you do walk away, which she surely suspects you will because of her behavior, that it will not hurt her. So, what can you do.... Don't give up! If you truly want to be a part of her life, then be there. Be there for the big events in her life as well as the small ones. If you say you are going to do something, then you better make sure you do it, or don't say you will. She needs to know she can depend on you. There is also a flip side. At some point she may step over the line with her words or actions. Be firm and reasonable with the discipline. I often ask my girls what they think is a comparable punishment for their infraction. Responding in a like matter is not acceptable. We rarely have yelled at our children. If we are mad and can't have a resonable discussion about the infraction, we send the girls to their room, and tell them straight out,"I am too mad to discuss this, I am going to go think about it and I want you to do the same." Besides making them sweat it out a little, you are able to think about how you want to present the discussion that has to take place and the ultimate punishment. Finally, if you punish for an infraction, be consistent. This is the hardest thing I find as a parent. One day I find I am very strict and the next I catch myself letting something slide because I am so exhausted and don't want to deal with it. Well, unfortuneately, raising children holds aspects of a career. Dilagents, Honesty, Discipline and Fair Play are all required for success. I hope my words help. Good Luck!