Men who hate their fathers

whether kids have a father or not is probably the biggest influence on their lives. a father gives security to a family. most criminals come from single parent families with only a mother.

I have been going to Al-Anon, and it has been helping me to deal with my Dad. As they say in Al-Anon, my Dad, "rents space in my head." Once I start hearing his voice in my head and his criticisms, it can take days to get the conversation out of my head. He has a way of setting me off, and pushing my buttons. Which is why I am being careful to limit my contact with him. I blocked his phone number from my cell and land line. But, he and I have been writing short hand-written notes back and forth via the U.S. Mail. This seems to be a better, and more controlled way for us to communicate, without the usual incendiary fireworks!

Comment on the article and the people responding.

Comment article.

According to this article 90% on death row hate there fathers, that doesn't mean that 90% of all the men in the world, that hate there fathers become a murderer. Or that you need to hate your father to become a murderer. There is no causation. So saying that fathers, need to take better care of there children, otherwise they become criminals isn't correct to say. What happens to those 10% that love/like there fathers and land on death row? Or those men on death row that hate there fathers, why do they hate there fathers? The article doesn't say anything about it? To make the story short, if you use some logic. You will find out that this article is garbage, that doesn't need to be thought about allot. The only thing it does do, is let your imagination run wild.

Comment on the people responding.

For those people that hate there fathers (like i did), he'll probably won't change. Changes are that there all above 40 and stuck in there habits. (just as one person already mentioned about his father in a comment). Best advice let go and move on. Letting go, means getting help for it. That can be reading a books about the issue or talking to loved ones -people that really listen, by giving time and attention to do so-. Or getting the right therapy for your situation

Points to think about if you want to take therapy.
1. you'll have to find the right therapist and treatment. Because if you get this wrong, it may set you back years, because your getting treatment that isn't helpful for your situation.
2. make sure you have a so called 'click' with your therapist. Because telling your personal issues to someone you don't like, makes it very difficult to be open about yourself
3. Getting pills is not always the solution, a pill doesn't give you the answer.
4.Getting therapy doesn't get you a stamp on your head that states that you are insane. To quote Albert Einstein "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". So not trying anything different will leave you stuck in your situation.

Some good therapy might be CBT or schema therapy. Still you'll have to find out for yourself, if its useful for your situation.

For all you macho men that can be difficult, only you'll have to make some change. If you want a change at all. By taking the effort, you'll eventually find a point to move on.

My view and advice on becoming you and not staying a victim.

Is that every men is a end in itself. You become what you want to become. Or another way to say it, you can change what you want to change. So saying that its someone else's fault, may be true. Only sticking to it, is your own choice. You choose what you want to be in life and if that implies being a good father or a rational person you can at best try to be that. The best way you can. You can't be perfect because some habits are indeed hard to lose and your surrounding may not always be very good for you. And even some people might not be good for you. At least start thinking about; where you are and where you want to go. It's hard, and you might be afraid of change. We all are. As Franklin D. Roosevelt said it; "The only thing we need to fear, is fear itself".

I'm not proud to say this, but there is a side of me that hates my father as well. He has autism, as do I, so neither of us have any people skills. He was constantly abused as a child and instead of realizing it was wrong, he just continued the cycle with me, both physically and mentally. He never let an opportunity slide to let me know I was nothing and to let me know he disapproved of everything I did and was. He'd constantly call me a faggot (his wording, not mine, even though I'm straight), tell me how ugly I was and how I would never find anyone and would burn in hell when I died. I truly believe he wanted to be a good father but he didn't know how - he's never had a healthy relationship with another person in all of his life and is a desperately lonely person who is in constant agony.

My father is one f**ed up dude. But, it's not his fault. He didn't screw himself up. I still hate him, regardless. His treatment of me was unforgivable. By distancing myself from him, and looking for other father figures, I get to take care of myself. It also helps me to pray for him. Although this seems totally counter intuitive, I am doing it for me, not for him. It takes away some of the rage. The better my prayers, the better the results. (I'm not religious.)

I feel the same way. Some things are unforgivable. To forgive means to lower our self-esteem, which seems so contrary, and counter intuitive. However, I assume something happened to him, as a child, to screw him up. So, I have taken a picture of him as a child and had it blown up, and put it on my wall. Sometimes I pray that his pain is taken away. It help me a bit.

Scott

My father stuck me, hard, in the head at the age of 6. I started hiding in my room and drinking Nighquell, and taking Dristan and Sudifed tablets. (My mother had an incredibly well-stocked medicine cabinet...which tells you a bit about her.) I have been terrified of men and full of rage, ever since, at 49 years old. I cannot hold a job because I know that I can't suppress my rage forever. So I find a way to get out, after I have earned a few bucks. Then, I am on to my next victim. It is confusing to try to show love towards Dad with this underlying rage and distrust that hasn't softened with time. It's a real dilemma that has lead only to confusion and isolation. I'm sure something happened to my father when he was a child. I eventually stuck him in the eye at the age of 15. I feel that he is still seeking revenge for that moment, and will never forgive me. Whether it's true or not, I continue to fail, probably intentionally to punish him, and because I don't think I deserve success. It's a double whammy that leads to lots of pain. That lots of other stuff going on in my head, as a result, that is very complex to address. There's so much more to say.

Maybe its just natural to hate our fathers or perhaps they are just ignorant/sinful regardless it sickens me to see any similarities between us. The reasons we share the same similarites are the opposite but we are both still a pair of idiots. My father is stupid, ignorant, and emotionally underdeveloped. Because of fear, a sense of righteousness, logic, and bad luck, I ended up on the same path. I closed myself off to other people, now i am sad, angry, and a bum; my future at some point will probably be suicide. I hate the world because of myself, all the mean people in it, the fact my family is a liabilty, and the futility of hope when i tried. Do we all feel this way and some of us hide it with our careers and gf's - as though they are a good judge of anything. Don't ask me, im just a drunk 25 yr old bum living with his dips*** father. If you watched fightclub you understand my mind. Lets save the world, dont have kids so they don't suffer dying because thats what 'life' is no? Social norms won't allow someone to smack a girl when she has a baby so this cycle of awfulness will only continue. 2012 to save us all amen.

i really hat my father he has 7 kids and he dont care for either 1 out of 7 of us he only met four of us and he use 2 abuse me for 13 years physically and emotionally but hey that all cahnge when i finally grow some balls and beat the shit out of him im now 21 and fixin 2 leave for the army and now he wants something 2 do with me and i told him u never wanted 2 have anything 2 do with us when we were young so why do u think we want something 2 do with worthless ass and after i said that he said he was gonna commit suicide and i told him do need help and after that we never talked again and i hope he burns in hell i dont want 2 ever see him again

My son hates me! I didn't abuse him. I was there for all his games and activities. His big issue is that I divorced his mother.