NZ Midwives Have A Partnership With Women

Dear New Zealand DIYFather-to-be

Women who work as midwives probably have not intentionally left you and other men out of their partnership model but they have.

Like most men, you’re likely to be:

• Totally unconscious or uninterested in the history of childbirth in modern countries such as New Zealand.
• Equally disinterested and put off by the political debates that still rages between midwives and obstetricians.
• Ho hum about the struggles of pregnant women and those who work as midwives to get the NZ Midwifery maternity system developed.

Don’t feel poorly … like most men, you just want to know that your pregnant partner and baby are safe and cared for.

Partnerships have mutual responsibilities

As you know any partnership has responsibilities whether an employer/employee relationship, drivers sharing the road together or your relationship to your baby’s mother. At this time in your life, now that you are pregnant it is important for you to understand the responsibilities within the Midwifery Partnership model between the midwife and your baby’s mother.

Taking responsibility is all about ‘actions’ or what you ‘do’.

If you are left out of that partnership, even without intent, you also have responsibilities during pregnancy and childbirth. In other words, what are your ‘actions’ or what do you have ‘to do’? The responsibilities you have to take are toward your partner and your baby.

The responsible actions your midwife takes in the partnership are:

• First and foremost her training.
• To care for the pregnant woman during pregnancy, throughout the birth and for 6 weeks after birth.
• Explain and promote the values of her profession … to support woman’s ‘choices’ (Birth Plans) and to let the woman ‘discover birth on her own.’
• To do necessary tests to confirm the woman and baby’s wellbeing.
• To involve a specialist when necessary.

The responsible actions required of NZ pregnant women are very vague:

At the moment, a woman’s only clearly defined responsibility is to gather information so she can make ‘choices’ and create a Birth Plan.

You’ve probably talked with your baby’s mum about what she wants at the birth, perhaps you have some opinions and you might go to the appointments with your midwife.

Like many men you probably resort to the belief ‘it’s her body so really it’s up to her’. After all pregnancy and birth does seem to be ‘women’s business’ and the partnership model certainly gives that message as well.

Two big gaps:

There is something very wrong with this picture even though there has been no intention to leave huge gaps. Here are two outstanding gaps:

• There is no real place for you, a man who is ‘becoming a father’. You need clear, concise ‘actions’. In other words. You need skills
• A woman who is ‘becoming’ a mother must ‘do’ more than believe she can ‘choose’ the birth she wants. In other words, she also needs very specific skills.

What are the responsible actions you need?

Your baby’s mother is in a partnership relationship with her midwife for only a short period of time. Perhaps your relationship with her will only last a short time as well. Given the marriage statistics in New Zealand you are not likely to sustain your partnership even if you are married.

However, from now on you have a lifetime responsibility to your child. For this reason alone you need the right set of skills for your fathering partnership to your children. This starts during pregnancy, continues through ‘the birth’ and onward.

You need to:

• Use the 5 phases of pregnancy to grow some very specific fatherhood skills. Your baby and mother have a biological mandate to grow. You have to keep up.
• Help your pregnant partner prepare her body to let out a very big object during the birthing process.
• Learn and then use birth ‘support/coaching’ skills during the birthing process.

The responsible actions that both you and your baby’s mother must take is to know how to work with your baby’s efforts to be born.

That was then, this is now:

Prior to the 1960s/70s, New Zealand men were hardly involved in pregnancy or birth. Since then NZ women have wanted their husband/partner to help them during labour and be present for the birth of their children. Women wanted their partner to know how-to help effectively.

Birth is no longer ‘women’s business’. It is family business and should be treated as such. However, expectant fathers like yourself have not actually been taught what to ‘do’ in order to really help instead of just ‘being’ there. It’s not sufficient to just: hold her hand, stand around, be hung on, wipe a brow, have your hand squeezed, try to give a back rub or supply ice chips.

The Partnership model between midwives and women exists in its present form now and that doesn’t seem to be changing. However, do not wait for permission or encouragement to take clear and concise responsible actions as an expectant father.

Your partnership will always be with your child and hopefully with your child’s mother. Make certain that when your newborn child first comes into your arms you feel confident as a DIYFather.

If you want to learn the specific fatherhood qualities to grow during the 5 phases of pregnancy visit expectantfathers blogspot. For the essential pregnancy and birth skills for both expectant parents go to www.birthingbetter.com and get The Pink Kit Package. The author of this article is Wintergreen, a Trustee to the New Zealand registered charitable Trust called Common Knowledge that produces The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®.