Raising Bipartisan Children

By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman

In the United States we seem to be trapped in an "I'm right and that makes you wrong" mentality. We are so caught up in pointing out the flaws of a suggested plan, we fail to notice other possible paths to a solution. Some citizens and politicians even go so far as to hope the opposition’s plan fails. They often do this without offering any alternate solution.

A great example of this is the ongoing debate on how to solve the country's financial crisis. Republicans accuse the Democrats of over-spending and creating big government. Democrats accuse the Republicans of lax fiscal over-sight and catering to special interest groups. The two sides can’t agree on the best path to take to solve the crisis.

It seems apparent to us that a bipartisan approach to solving this problem is needed. Yet, bipartisan thinking does not seem to be prevalent at this time. The era of partisanship and taking sides against one another is currently not working. It is time for that narrow view to come to an end. It is time to realize that the potential for more solutions lies not in oppositional posturing but in our diversity. It is time to celebrate differences, honor them, and embrace opposing points of view. Of most importance, it is time to make sure that the concept of accepting the differences of others and embracing diversity is passed on to our children.

While our government officials strive to find common ground and restore strength to our country’s economy, the rest of us can focus on our own families. We can teach our children how to work together, understand different points of view, and recognize the potential inherent in diversity. We can teach our children to embrace an attitude of bipartisanship. And we don’t have to wait for congressional approval to do so. We can begin today without the acceptance or example of our elected leaders. You can begin immediately with your family by implementing some of the valuable suggestions below for helping parents raise bipartisan children.

1. Model the message. How do you handle issues of diversity? Are you tolerant of the life style choices of others? Are you quick to judge based on ethnicity or socio-economic status and background? Be mindful of your opinions, views and actions. Even the subtlest of expressions or softest of comments can be picked up by children. Remember, you are always modeling.

2. Create a shared controlled environment. Do you have an attitude of “me” as opposed to one of “we” in your family? Are your children supposed to do as you say because you’re the adult? What if you were to value their opinion and choices as much as you value your own? Can you give your children choices and allow them the opportunity to pick between two outcomes?

3. Teach a solution-seeking process. Finding a solution to a problem is a process. Answers don’t magically appear. They are discovered when certain steps are followed. If you want children to know how to solve problems you have to teach them the steps involved in solution-seeking. Help your children define the problem, consider various ways to solve it (respecting all the suggested solutions), choose a solution to implement, put the chosen solution into action, and evaluate the results.

4. Remember, making yourself right makes someone else wrong. Whenever you take the stance of “I’m right,” someone else is stuck with having to be wrong. Can you remove right and wrong from your parenting style and focus on the lessons to be learned through the choices children make? Don’t make your children wrong for the choices that you interpret as inappropriate. Instead, see the behavior as a teaching moment and help your children learn the needed lesson.

5. Help your children see both sides of a situation. Look for opportunities in everyday life where alternate points of view exist. Challenge your children to view the situation through the eyes of each party. This will help them develop empathy as well as respect of others.

6. Encourage your children to debate. If your adolescent wants more computer time, encourage him to construct a convincing argument and present it to you in a well-thought-out manner. If your teenager wants a new cell phone, challenge her to research the topic, consider the pros and cons of the various models, draw up a payment and usage plan, and present you with the findings. Then ask her to take the opposite side and present the reasons why getting a new cell phone at this time isn’t a good idea.

7. Remember, people are more important than principles. To be in disagreement with someone does not mean you have to dislike the person. Teach your children not to take disagreement personally. Two people can agree to disagree and still like each other.

Teaching a child to recognize the world’s potential in diversity and to embrace the differences of others is no small task. In fact, it could quite possibly be the most important task we undertake as parents. It is only when we decide to teach our children how to live like no one else so they can grow up to be like no one else that the world changes. Teaching our children to have an attitude of bipartisanship changes the government of tomorrow and the world as we know it today.

- Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman

Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog.