STEPHEN M. POLLAN presents something of a paradox. On one hand, the well-known lawyer and career advisor clearly loves what he does for a living—which is to help his clients overcome all manner of work- and money-related problems. No wonder he’s still going strong at an age when most men are well into retirement, maintaining a busy New York City practice and cranking out self-help bestsellers. (His latest is Lifelines for Money Misfortunes: How to Overcome Life’s Greatest Challenges, published by Wiley.)

On the other hand, Pollan warns that men who expect to find work fulfilling are only setting themselves up for disappointment. To him, a job is good for one thing only: generating a revenue stream. It’s this stream of cash, he says, that makes it possible to the things that really are fulfilling, whether it's spending time with family, traveling, reading, pursuing hobbies, or whatever.

Pollan acknowledges that this isn’t the most upbeat message. But, he says, it’s strangely liberating, especially so for men who have worked for years and have always been struggling to find happiness between the hours of nine and five.

Recently, Pollan sat down for an interview with Smartman Daily editor-in-chief David Freeman:

SmartManDaily: You’re a lawyer, career coach, consultant, and a best-selling author, but your business card identifies you simply as a “professional fear remover.” Just what are men afraid of?

Stephen Pollan: Men fear two things: Lack of love from others and lack of self-esteem. And men, unlike women, tend to believe that the only way to get these things is to have a successful career. To men, career failure or even a career setback will cost them the esteem and affection of the people they care about—not to mention their own self-esteem. The truth is that a man who is successful at work is no better, and no more loveable, than other men. Being a good businessman has little to do with enjoying the love and respect of others, or of feeling good about oneself.

The really important things in any man’s life are, or should be, his relationships and the activities he pursues beyond the nine-to-five world. I mean things like travel, reading, interests and hobbies. One’s job is certainly important, but it’s by no means the most important thing. As I often tell my clients, the reason to work is not to find fulfillment. It’s simply to create a revenue stream that supports your family and enables you to do the things that are fulfilling. It’s simply the gas station where you go to fill up your tank. By helping my clients recognize these basic facts of life, I help them stop obsessing about their careers. Often, I wind up encouraging them to accept some financial risk so that they can do what they want to do, whether it’s leaving a job to become an entrepreneur or adopting a child or simply buying a vacation home.

SMD: Some of those things sounds pretty risky. Are they too risky?

SP: You have to take prudent risks—to make an occasional gamble. Otherwise, you’re going to filled with regret later on—all those “what ifs.” Look, you’re not going to get aces back to back. The good news is that it is generally not that hard to recover from the mistakes you are likely to make. So stop worrying so much about them.

SMD: Haven’t men always been afraid of failure, and especially career failure?

SP: Certainly they have. But men today have more to worry about career-wise than men of earlier generations. The average employer today really doesn’t give a damn about his employees. He doesn’t care whether they are happy or fulfilled, or that they have a reasonable career trajectory or that they feel secure in their jobs. He’s not looking forward to the day he can hand you a gold watch and a fat retirement bonus. Today, employees are valuable to his employers for two things only: their ability to solve a specific set of problems, and to be a revenue producer. If the employer begins to feel that a particular employee is unable to solve these problems, or that he is unable to bring the company significant revenue, the employee’s job is in immediate jeopardy. This is a particular concern for men who are a bit too old to be seen as up-and-comers. They worry that they will be viewed as incapable of keeping up with their younger co-workers.

SMD: Getting older really is a big deal, isn’t it?

SP: Older workers tend to have bigger salaries, and today, more than ever, employers are looking for ways to do things on the cheap. So men in their mid-30s and older are more vulnerable. Having said that, your chronological age isn’t as important as your attitude toward aging. Do you act old? Do you dress old? Have you lost your enthusiasm for work or your willingness to rise to new challenges? Have you stopped smiling? These are the kinds of things that you need to change if you want to avoid being perceived as being over the hill. And you can change them.

I often tell my clients to act 15 years younger than they really are, because statistics show that all of us are likely to live at least that much longer than previous generations of workers. The idea is to add the extra years in now, and not add them to the end of life, in the form of an extended retirement. That’s a bad idea.

SMD: Let’s say that despite his best efforts, I get a warning at work, or stop being invited to important meetings? The writing is on the wall. How should I respond?

SP: Go to your boss. In a subtle way, ask how you are doing and what you can do to improve. Tell him you are always working on your own professional growth, and find out whether he notices and appreciates your efforts.

Remember, you don’t really work for the company. You work for your boss. So make sure he realizes that you’re always watching his back. Let him take credit for your good work. Never go in to see him and say, “I have a good idea.” Say, “I have an idea you may want to consider.” See the difference? Finally, and most important, realize that you work for yourself. You may occupy a certain position in a certain company, but, especially given the declining loyalty employers feel toward their employees, your professional loyalties lie only with yourself. You’ve always got to be thinking of that.

SMD: That’s an interesting way of looking at things. What exactly does it mean to work for oneself? How does that play out?

SP: The most important way it plays out is this: As you do your job, you should be looking for something better, or, more to the point, better-paying. I call this fishing. And what are you fishing for? Not for jobs, actually, but for job offers. In other words, you’re looking for options. As you’re looking, do what you can to work on your own personal brand. Try to become known as a scholar in your field. Write articles. Give talks. Volunteer to serve on committees. Fortunately, since you already have a job you don’t have that lean and hungry look that is the kiss of death for men who are looking for work.

SMD: What if a guy can’t help feeling lean and hungry? Or what if he has already lost his job and he really is lean and hungry?

SP: A man in this situation probably feels that his life is over, or at least that his career is. It’s at this point that many men come to me. When they do, I get them talking about the truly important things in their lives—love, family, their interests, and so on. I try to help realize how much they enjoy these things, and how they can be more thankful for them. It’s human nature to take things for granted, and to want more. But it’s better to be thankful for the things you do have than to be disappointed about the things you don’t have. In fact, being thankful rather than disappointed or resentful is one of the keys to actually enjoying one’s life as opposed to slogging through it.

Are you reasonably healthy? Do you have a loving wife, or at least one who is loving most of the time? Do you have great kids? Do you have a home to live in and a car to drive and clothes to wear? That counts for a lot. If you find it hard to cultivate this sense of thankfulness, you might try getting down on your knees. I’ve certainly done that. You don’t have to believe in God or even be particularly spiritual. You just have to say thanks to whatever being or power or set of circumstances that brought you all the good things in your life.

I also talk with men about their dreams. What have they always dreamed of doing but never felt capable of doing, or bold enough to try to do? Lots of my clients feel as if it’s too late to make big changes in their lives. Often, I have to convince them that it’s not.

SMD: What specific advice can you offer men regarding job interviews?

SP: Stop trying hard to be liked. Be friendly but businesslike to your interviewer. Simply demonstrate that you are intensely interested in the job. It shouldn’t be just the interviewer trying to decide whether to make you the offer. You, too, should be trying to decide whether the job is right for you—and that should be apparent to your interviewer. That helps you feel a bit less lean and hungry. If you are lucky enough to get the offer, don’t be so quick to accept it. If you are interested in the position, say so. But no matter what compensaton they’re offering, ask them to reconsider it. If not now, maybe they will agree to get a significant raise three months after you start. I am always amazed at how many job seekers leave money on the table. Don’t be one of them. A little brinksmanship can bring you a lot more money with only a bit more risk.

SMD: Any other strategies you recommend?

SP: Stop comparing yourself to other men. How much money another guy makes has absolutely no bearing on his value as a person and nothing to do with you. Stop beating yourself up. And stop worrying so much about what other people think about you.

Posted with permission from Smartman Daily

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