Dad humour

It’s a father’s role to teach his kids slightly inappropriate yet harmless things for humour value. We all do it, and we can all take it a little too far.

When I ask two year old Sophie where yoghurt comes from, she replies with a grin and says "Ogres!" I taught her that and we both think it’s hilarious.

I was at college in the late 80s and early 90s and enjoyed my fair share of what was then, modern music. So after a bit of time and repetition, if I now say, "You’re down with OPP" she’ll shout, "Yeah you know me!"

Daddy: “Things that make you go...”
Sophie: “Hmmmm!”

Daddy: “Mac daddy make you...”
Sophie: “Jump jump!”

And so on, although before you wonder about my intentions, my point is that with repetition, our kids can learn anything. Songs, manners, all the good things. A car ride to the beach a couple of weeks ago was enough to teach her to count to ten in Maori. She’s a sponge. If I say, "Can you be John Campbell?" She’ll pull out all his catchphrases and say "Ok, ok, ok, ok... Marvellous! Ponder this!"

None of this applies however, if your child is in a place where they feel uncomfortable. Friends houses, not-often-visited-family, etc. We all want to pull out our kids tricks and they reply with a steely leg holding silence. When we’re out, we like to show our kids off, we want them to be the confident, funny, mad thing they are at home and when they don’t, our attempt at entertainment by kid proxy falls flat and we’re met with the sympathetic "oh she’s shy" look from the people waiting to see the trick. Then you have that uncomfortable silence where everyone looks at the coy child with a head on Dad’s shoulder sad face and you move on to other conversation, including how good you are, the weather, and how work has been.

There comes a point though when you come a cropper. Dad’s in-house family fun can get embarrassing, particularly for Mum. Sophie was wearing her brand new homespun jersey, you know the sort – stripey, woollen and hand knitted lovingly by an Aunty. I told her, just once mind you, that it looked like a David Bain jersey. Two hours later I’m in trouble because my 2 year old daughter is turning circles in a shopping mall shouting "I’m David Bain, I’m David Bain!" at the top of her lungs.

That evening after the kids are in bed, I’m in trouble but trying not to laugh as we’re having a conversation as to what is funny to teach our kids and what isn’t.

-Dave Smart