Sometimes work results in fathers being away from their children for periods of time, They may be doing shift work, travelling a lot or working contracts away from home, even overseas. For some fathers the relationship breakdown has resulted in them moving out of the family home and sometimes even living in a different town.
Children still need a positive, supportive and loving relationship with both of the parents.
If dads live away or are separated from children a lot, you will need to work hard at providing them with the love and support that they need. Avoid regrets which can come later in life if you simply drift apart.
Even when the children are not with you, you can still keep in contact in all sorts of ways –
1. Talk to them regularly by phone
2. Send them postcards and letters addressed to them
3. Send them photos of you wherever you are
4. Send a little gift or other surprise
5. Ask for photos of them
6. Encourage them to send you letters telling you what they are doing and how school is
7. Text them messages saying that you “love them” and “miss them”
If there is a separation from the Childs mother, and there are joint responsibilities, make sure as a father that you try to adhere to the following –
1. Be on time when you are picking the children up or dropping them off
2. Do not have an argument or make snide comments to your ex-partner at that time
3. Don’t react if she makes snide comments in front of the children
4. Keep the child support payments up to date
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Hi Georgie Thank you for
Hi Georgie
Thank you for sharing what you are dealing with, it is clear the commitment you have to your son and your relationship with each other.
I know the system is not fair its no secret, I don’t think I need to say any more on that matter.
Your son has grown up to be a popular level headed young man, credit to the love and commitment to his development from his parents. Your son sounds like he is exploring his independence as a young man, and is finding himself. And finding what it means to be a man in today’s world.
Don’t give up on your relationship; I don’t think you want to do that anyway. At the same time your son is at the age where he wants his space. So let him know that you are there for him (all ways) and it doesn’t matter what has happened and is happening, you are still his father and that will never change.
Continue to be the father that you are, I agree with Scott, share this with your son, let him know that you love him and that you are always there for him. Stick with it, show him that it is possible to be loving, strong and a man at the same time.
And again thank you for sharing
- Eric
Hey it was my pleasure to
Hey it was my pleasure to read this and thanks for sharing, I realise it cant have been easy to write this also. I have asked Eric to comment on this he has a lot more experience first hand with this, as this happened to him with his 3 children.
I think that you should talk to him and tell him how you are feeling, I would also talk to your ex-wife if you are on speaking terms and let her know also, if not then just your son. Buddy this forum was set up for you! and by that I mean when i first thought of the idea of DIYFather.com I had a person like yourself in mind asking questions that werent the norm or were perhaps too hard to be answered by Jo Public. I would say dont give up on him, just be there as support so that he knows that you love him, and if he wants to be with his friends you will still be there also. Remember at the end of the day your still his father and no one can take that away. Please keep your pride and your love for your son. You will win in the end.Your son sounds like he has done remarkedly well and your ex-wife, well it cant be easy being her either, going from place to place and always running away from something. I dont know if I have helped but if you need anything else I am here to help. Let me know how you go ok?
Take care Scott
What if I say I have done
What if I say I have done all these things. Which I truly and honestly did. My son has never understood why mom left and why he had to go with her and not stay with me. I was the parent in his life yet the Judge let HER have him cause she was MOM and kids supposibly need mom's more than dad's in the eyes of the courtroom. Not in this case. I was mom and dad to him. He was 5 years old. She changed residence, schools and changed husbands. She moved my son around 8 times while everything in my life remained the same. I went back to court many times just to lose. My son is now 13 and comes to me and says to me he is hurting. I can't live with you so I have to accept it and I don't wanna come over anymore. He says it's too hard. He lives an hour away from me, he's made friends at school, he's in boyscouts, sports sometimes, there school events, sleep overs, friends birthday parties and he says I miss out on all those things when I am with you and it's not fair. To my son and at this age those are the things that are more important so what do I do? Let him go, relinquish him of my visitation? Force him still? At what age it is reasonable for a child to make up his own mind who he wants to visit and when?? Say a child gets his license by age 16 and can then drive himself around, how do I make him still want to come here then to drive around with friends? I mean I don't know, it's 13 a good age to start thinking about who they are and what they want out of life??? I don't know. I feel for my son. I understand where he is coming from but at the same time it's my visitation too. Am I ready to let him go?? Am I supposed to accept this and not be hurt by it?? He was my everything, we were a team and now I don't know what the right thing to do is. Thank you for listening. Georgie
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