Human Rites - Bar Mitzvah

I was recently invited to my first Bar Mitzvah ever. I had heard about these events but didn’t really know what they meant. Fortunately, I got a little briefing from my dear friend (who invited me in the first place) beforehand and the whole event was also blessed with and by a Rabbi who explained what was happening throughout the proceedings.

In the Jewish religion when children reach the age of thirteen they become responsible for their actions, and "become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah." The Bar Mitzvah ceremony is like an ordinary Sabbath service however the boy or girl attending as an adult for the first time is expected to run the service and is also called to read from the Torah. So it’s obviously a pretty special event in a teenager’s life.

When the big day arrived and I was witnessing the service I was fascinated by the numerous rituals and traditions, and marveled at the amount of training and preparations that must have gone into this by the Bar Mitzvah (eg studying Hebrew for starters). Although I didn’t understand the full meaning of everything that was being said (and sung) it was obvious that something important took place that day. I suddenly realised that this is one of those big moments in life – the coming of age and passing of the baton from one generation to the next.

This moment is something that I think is pretty much celebrated in all cultures and across all religions. The ceremonies and rituals to mark the event often involve similar aspects such as a test, a pledge and public recognition. So naturally it is an important time to think about what kind of “stuff” we want to pass on to our children. What a great exercise for any dad to think through what it is they would want to pass on to their children at that point?

So for me, one of the key moments that day was when my friend (the father) spoke to his son in front of the whole congregation to acknowledge his achievements, speak a few words of wisdom and wish him well on his journey ahead (see below if you want to read the actual words he used). Although the relationship between parents and children goes on for the rest of their lives and important values, messages and words are being exchanged all the time – it is actually nice to make a big fuss about this at certain points. So I love the whole ceremonial aspect of a Bar Mitzvah. After all ... things in life have meaning because we give them meaning.

-Stefan

Ps.: This is the response from my friend to his son's drash (sermon):

Congratulations, Son, this is your day, and you’ve made us all proud. We’re proud of your attitude, we’re proud of the effort you’ve put into your preparations for today, we’re proud of your achievements today, .and we’re proud of the person you’re becoming.

And when I say we, I mean all of us. Look around you, and you’ll see your extended family, and the Jewish community around you. Many people have approached me over the last few weeks, excited by your bar mitzvah, telling me things like “what a fine young man he’s become”, or “he’s a sharp one – he’ll have no trouble”, and “he has a strong sense of who he is”. And just last week [some friends] specially rang me up to tell me how impressed they were with how willing you were to help and do whatever needed to happen to get the job done.

Yes, look around you. You’re connected to a large number of people who care about you; you’ve earned the respect and love of everyone here through your actions, and these relationships no doubt will play out over the years in unexpected but delightful ways. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and in a very real sense, this is the village that’s raised you. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone here for the contributions large and small you’ve made to help you grow into the person you are today. If you have to give a little to get a little, then it follows that you have to give a lot to get a lot. That’s one of the best things about our little community here at our synagogue, we all give and get a lot from the shul and its people. Long may that continue, as it is a source of our strength.

So this isn’t the end, nor the beginning of the end. This isn’t even the end of the beginning, but just another point, albeit an important point, on the continuum of your growth and relationship with the Jewish community. I have no doubt that the relationships that you’ve formed here and the foundational ethics that you’ve learned will continue to play a pivotal role in how you live your life. Welcome to Jewish adulthood. You know you can rely on the rest of us as your friends and equals. We’re here for each other. Shabbat Shalom.