Selfish or selfless?

The other day my eldest son overheard someone saying that people who choose not to have children are selfish, so he wanted me to explain why. I can remember my own parents having the same opinion, as if people are supposed to shackle themselves with the responsibility of parenthood as a necessary rite of passage. Passage to what I am still unclear. I explained to my son that it is “because some people with children resent those who get to enjoy their lives a bit too much by freeing up their time and money by opting out of the parent game and focusing on themselves instead”.

Then I got to thinking about all I had learnt about evolution at university. According to the rules it is actually those who have children who are the selfish ones, as their underlying motive is to ensure the survival of their genes. So, when people decide to steer clear of procreation they are not being selfish at all but, rather, entirely selfless. Evidently ideas of selfishness, self-interest, self-servitude work on different levels according to context.

Next, I got to wondering whether it is possible for people to be selfish on both levels at the same time, or indeed, selfless on both levels at the same time. It occurred to me that absentee fathers fit the bill for the first type; those lowlifes who impregnate woman after woman but continue to live the bachelor lifestyle. At the other extreme it would have to be monks who deny themselves both offspring and all earthly pleasures. Of course, nuns are the female counterparts to monks, but there are relatively few women who might be described as absentee mothers. It is reasonable to conclude therefore, that men have the potential to be far more selfish than women as a general rule. That surely means all responsible dads deserve plaudits from on high, or is that just me being selfish?

By Gerard Cheshire