The 5 P's of Fathering

I'm sure we all know parents who parent in a very unique way. However I'd be careful to mix parenting styles with behavioural preferences. What I find amazing about your comments is that you seem to categorically deny that men and women are different (in any way) and the only difference that is exhibited is learnt. This was pretty much the line of scientific studies in the 70s which has led to some horrendous outcomes in terms of child education. I struggle to see what the problem is with acknowleding that men and women have different preferences which are gender related. In fact I think it's detrimental to parenting involvement to categorically deny that mums and dads have a different approach to parenting.

Anyway perhaps we can just agree to disagree. What we are doing with the courses and resources we provide is make them gender specific - for guys. This works really well. The reason we are doing it is because we found out that most dads weren't taking in any of the other material that was around before we started DIYFather.com

-Stef

"The reality is that mums and dads parent differently and there's a good reason for it."

I disagree. *People* parent differently, but the gender of those people does not determine their parenting style. I know disciplinarian, daredevil, working mums who like to playfight with their kids. I know pacifist, nurturing stay-at-home dads who practise attachment parenting and wouldn't dream of disciplining their kids.

There is nothing "natural" in a father pushing his children (whatever that means): it's entirely learned. To illustrate, sometimes these characteristics can be seen as dominant within a culture. In East Asia, for example, mothers are famous for pushing their children to extremes, while fathers are equally known for their laid-back attitude towards child-rearing.

What's disappointing to me is that we've come so far and learned so much about how gender is a non-determinant in so many aspects of life, and yet the idea that mothers and fathers are somehow inescapably different in their behaviour is still perpetuated. Mums and dads *aren't* the same, but those differences have nothing to with them being mums or dads. It has to do with them being individuals. Two dads are no more likely to be similar than any mum & dad as a result.

You're also right in saying parenting is not always the same. But the idea that only a specific parent--based on their gender--can fulfil certain roles for their children, belongs in history rather than the present.

True - mums can do all the things dads can do ... but many mums don't. There is a natural tendency for dads to challenge and push their children more (this goes for boys and girls).

I'm not sure what you mean by "most disappointing to read such things in 2010".

What I find disappointing in the parenting world is that many organisations, authors and experts still pretend that parenting is all the same - no matter whether you're a mum or a dad. The reality is that mums and dads parent differently and there's a good reason for it. Let's celebrate the gender differences rather than try and make mums and dads the same ... they are equal but not the same.

-Stef

Interesting that this appeared in the same email bulletin as an article complaining about sexism.

"Wrestle with boys"?

Girls have all the needs attributed to boys in the article. Mothers can provide every one of the 5 Ps as well as dads can. Discipline--as just one example--is most certainly not a "special function" of fathers.

Most disappointing to read such things in 2010.

Roles dads play for kids is such a good discussion. I lap up every word written on this site. As a first time dad, four days ago, I’m keen and eager to learn.
I have to admit, due to scenarios I have seen friends and family involved in, I have a bit of a ‘button’ that is pushed from time to time when I see the rights (and roles) of dads being considered less than that of mums. One of the reasons I enjoy DIY dad is ‘tit for tat’ isn’t the response. Dad’s are an important part of development, but like mum’s are PART of the ideal scenario.
Your article has me feeling a little uncomfortable for two reasons. Firstly, kids don’t all “prefer” dad’s play to mums. It is different and both types are equally important for developing different skills and traits. All of the 5 P’s should be practiced by both parents and each will result in different and important outcomes. It may seem a small thing but I think it’s important for dads to see their roles in the context of all roles influencing their children and to facilitate where they can.
Secondly, it doesn’t matter how much money you earn or how many jobs you have. True, in our consumer society it can be more difficult to feel you are of worth as a dad with less money but it is very possible. Ever noticed how different our definitions of ‘enough’ are? Income is only one side of the equation and frankly, gets far too much focus. If you feel you don’t ‘have enough’ start by looking at the big picture, not just income.
Social problems often go hand in hand with poverty, true but are they caused by poverty or are both caused by other factors? Perhaps, in the western world anyway, a lack of some of the lessons and ingredients for life we so desire to give our children in order that they grow to be happy, healthy, confident, capable and engaged adults for example?

Hey RB - well it wouldn't be much of a forum if you couldn't criticise :-) I'm with you on that one as well. Warwick has done a lot of work in this space and is a recognised specialist in the field. That said, I'm not sure what has led him to the conclusion that children need more than one income.

Sorry to criticise but this is a bit silly really. "Pull The Wallet Out"?!

"Children need more than one income..." Well, that rather depends on how big the one income is doesn't it? And also i grew up knowing scores of people who only had one working parent and didn't notice their worlds falling apart.

"Poverty causes social problems... etc" Yes, it can - but having one income doesn't equate to "poverty" does it?