I have been asked by Scott to write an article for this site as the Police National Family Violence Co-ordinator. So thanks for the opportunity Scott.

Firstly I think it is useful to understand the Police approach. In the not too distant past, Police replicated societal attitudes towards family violence. In practice terms, this meant we also carried the view of " a man's home is his castle" and that family violence was a "private matter".

Thankfully, society and the Police have moved well past these attitudes and our practice in attending family violence events has improved accordingly. That is not to say that we cannot improve further, as we know we can and will.

What used to happen was that we would arrive at the particular address, mediate the situation, perhaps remove one of the parties (usually the male) and take them to a friend or relatives place for the night. We would sometimes leave with the rejoinder "If we have to come back tonight, someone is likely to be arrested". This is no longer the case.

Our frontline staff now arrive with the intention of identifying any offences which may have occurred. They then go about gathering evidence through an investigation process and make the independent decision as to whether there is sufficient evidence to prosecute the offender for the offence. It is well recognised that the vast majority of victims where an offence has been identified, are women.

Police have three key objectives in their policy regarding our response to Family Violence, they are;

1. victim and child safety (children will be victims merely by the fact of living in the environment and witnessing the violence)
   
2. offender accountability
   
3. working collaboratively with other agencies in our response to family violence

I have been in the Police since 1978 and in that time have experienced pretty much the full range of family violence investigations which one might imagine. The one signal message I got from my experiences was that family violence comes in many different forms, attitudes and behaviours. None of which are ever acceptable. Family Violence includes all types of abuse which fall into the general categories of physical abuse, sexual abuse and psychological abuse.

The attitudes and behaviours mentioned, are a subject on their own and I will keep to the purpose of this article, which is about fathers and children.

My personal experience of children witnessing family violence, has been that they often react in one of two ways. They may behave as if nothing is happening. They will seem unaffected and sometimes, while the worst type of abuse may be occurring, will continue to play with toys or read a book perhaps. A graphic example recently on television, was a news item which showed a video recording of a man screaming abuse and threats at his partner while holding a pistol, which he was waving about in a threatening way. Right next to the mother, who was sitting petrified on a couch, was the teenage daughter - texting on her cellphone.

It is not uncommon for the children to hide in the bedroom and block the sound out, or focus on television or a book, ignoring what is happening. They "go to another place". This is often referred to as disassociation.

The other response is possibly a bit more predicatble, with crying and the typical responses of a distressed child being evident.

What science and research is telling us, is that this abuse is having an effect, whether it is obvious or not. The effect may become evident in a huge range of behaviours and attitudes in that child. There may be long term consequences in terms of learning ability, education, delinquency, adult criminality, mental health, employment and drug and alcohol issues. The list goes on. There is strong evidence suggesting that the damage can be done by the time the child reaches three years of age.

So, where do fathers fit in all this? Fathers are obviously important to children. It is important for children to bond with at least one significant adult, often in family violence situations the mother is that person, but ideally should include both adults of the relationship. This is so often important for the development of children to young adults by having appropriate role models.

In being a role model, we must be aware of the influence we are having on our childrens attitudes and behaviours. I have witnessed the issue of inter-generational violence many, many times. It is extremely difficult to break that cycle. We have to remember that our children are looking at us as their primary role models, as their sounding board for acceptable behaviours and attitudes, aspirations, goals, life styles and values. They are designed to "soak up" everything they see and hear.

Children do this so efficiently, that when negative behaviours occur which generate "fight or flight" responses within the child, they may become "hard wired" to this type of response in any stressful circumstances. This is common in children subjected to abuse from a young age and is evidenced in many of the anti social behaviours we commonly witness in children. There is even research telling us that pregnant mothers experiencing trauma can have negative consequences for the unborn child.

Fathers specifically will obviously provide the male role model for their children. From their fathers boys may learn what are appropriate behaviours in the family environment and the external world they move in. Everything from how to relate to others, through to behaviour in sport are learned through this role modelling. Young girls and boys will learn from their fathers what an appropriate male role is in the family and what an adult relationship should look, sound and feel like.

I am not a specialist on the issue of behaviour and development, but I do know what I have seen and learned over a number of years as both a father and a Police officer. I do not think that we can underestimate the role of a loving father in a childs development. But this role cannot include violence in any shape or form. The consequences are not only individual to those directly impacted on, but those consequences are societal on a national basis.

GED BYERS
Inspector
National Family Violence Co-ordinator
Police National Headquarters
Wellington, NZ

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