Working with fathers

I am currently doing research on the involvement of fathers in their children's early education. My initial assumptions and beliefs were that mothers should stay at home with the children and be totally responsible for them, while fathers went out to earn the money. How that has changed for me now!

One day at my daughter's primary school, I met my first stay at home father. When he told me he was a stay at home dad, I think my eyes were as big as saucers. Here before me was a man who looked after his children while his wife earned the money. As I embarked on my studies as an early childhood teacher, I soon found out that dads in this situation weren't the norm and were often "looked down on" as someone a bit strange.

At the private kindergarten where I am presently working one of the most popular annual events is Dads' Fish and Chip night which is always a great success. However, I found my first dads' night a bit daunting as I was surrounded by 70 dads and their children for two hours. Being the new teacher on the team, I volunteered to be behind the camera to capture father/child moments. I found this easier than facing fathers en masse! However as a team we are relaxed around dads and most of the dads seem to be relaxed around us (we are an all female team). Dads' night gives fathers opportunities to play with their children in the kindy environment and to get to know the teachers better. The night also serves as a catch up time for fathers who know each other but only meet at this event, as well as an opportunity to meet other dads. This is a fun event that helps us to develop better relationships with fathers.

We also have a more serious approach to developing these relationships. Once a year we have formal kindy chats which means parents make a booking to meet with the teachers. This is a huge success for us as the information that we are given during these meetings has helped us do our work with children that much better. We have noticed a gradual increase of fathers attending kindy chats which is wonderful as it shows dads are now realising that they can be involved in their children's early education. When I think about the kindy chats with dads, one chat in particular blew us away.

We had been struggling with this dad's son for as long as a year. This boy was incredibly, unbearably shy around the teachers and the children. If the teachers spoke to him he hid under his cap and when he wasn't wearing his cap, his hands would cover his face. Yet alone he was as loud as any other boy. As soon as a child or teacher entered his play, silence again! We tried every strategy we could think of to help him. We spoke to his parents who couldn't understand the shyness because he was so noisy at home. As teachers we began to feel frustrated because there seemed to be no improvement and we couldn't figure out why this was happening at kindy. We had worked with many quiet children who responded to similar strategies. We continued to persevere.

Finally one year later at a kindy chat, dad told us that his son was eight weeks premature and that he nearly didn't make it three times. Dad offered to bring in his son's hospital diary for the teachers to read. We were only too eager to find out more about this boy's shaky start to life. The diary was incredible. Entries from his parents and the nurses reduced us all to tears. But the most important lesson from the diary, was the information given to us about this boy's start to life. We immediately understood why he was the way he was. We explained to dad the implications of being a premature baby and the impact it had had on his child's social development. Dad had given us the vital information we needed to help his son. And so we continued with our plan to help this boy but our understanding of his situation made us loose the frustrations we felt.

The next step was to think of a way of helping this boy in a fun and irresistible way. We knew that he wanted to be a pilot so we wrote a special programme on flight. At first he was very reluctant to try the pilot seat we borrowed or to fly paper aeroplanes with his friends but finally it became too irresistible and he joined in. Much of the programme was aimed at group play which meant joining in. At last we had done it! For the teachers, this child is one of our biggest success stories and this is why.

Our parent/teacher plan worked and this awesome boy started school with all the confidence and skills he needed. He was more than prepared for school. He confidently put up his hand to answer questions, he took part in activities, and there was no hiding behind his hands. We heard that his new entrant teacher was very impressed with him! Three years of planning and working with this child paid off, but the progress only happened after his dad shared the information with us and we started working together. "Loud and proud" his dad used to say to him every day, and that is how his son started school.

When I first joined the kindy, hardly any dads did the drop offs/pick ups. Then one day a new child came to kindy with her dad who was the drop off/pick up parent every time. I remember him being chatty back then with the waiting mothers, obviously the different one being the only dad but without any sign of awkwardness which I believe is due to his friendly laid back personality. Years later, this dad is still with us with his second daughter. All the teachers have good relationships with him. He has given us a wealth of information about his children and about the issues that some dads face when they become the parent who is most connected to their child's kindy. He and I commented the other day on the increase of fathers at the kindy and we agreed that this has to be a sign of things changing in society.

So what did I learn from this dad? I see him as a pioneer as such, leading the way for other fathers. He is proof that fathers count too and that they should be heard. We as teachers know from experience that fathers who become involved are providing something very special for their children - that is knowledge teachers can work with as well as the start of a parent/teacher partnership which is very important for everyone. Let's face it, when teachers and parents work together, it is the child who is the ultimate winner.

Dads, my challenge to you is to make yourself heard. Every time you are heard by your child's teachers and caregivers, you are showing them that what you think and feel counts in your child's life. You can make the difference by being involved. If you don't know how to be involved, then ask your child's teacher/caregiver. They should have the professional knowledge to help you work with them to do the best for your child. If you don't feel comfortable talking to the teachers, watch this space. I will be writing again with some ideas about what you can do to help your partnership with your child's teachers, with the ultimate goal of ensuring your child has the best early education. For those dads who feel comfortable enough to approach teachers, give it a go!

-Lynette