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"You wash the floor, I'll load the dishwasher..."
Submitted by community on Thu, 15/11/2007 - 8:57pm
Article sourced from a publication from the Public Health Agency of Canada Trackback URL for this post:http://www.diyfather.com/trackback/245
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Sharing household and parenting tasks doesn't mean that both parents care for and spend time with their children in equal and identical measures; rather, it is more a question of equity. In some families, fathers play a supporting role to mothers; in others they carry out specific tasks; in some, though this is atypical, they assume the lion's share of the parenting duties. There is nothing that says any one of these formulas is intrinsically better than the others; nor has it been shown that an ideal and rigid model of "equal" sharing of parenting duties is preferable to an "unequal" or asymmetrical model if the latter fulfills the needs of a specific family or couple. In other words, from the child's point of view (i.e., his or her well-being and development), an unequal but harmonious sharing of parenting duties between mother and father might be better than a situation where equal contribution from both parents creates tension in the relationship. Research has clearly shown that conjugal harmony is strongly related to the commitment of fathers to their children. 
A few years back my partner
A few years back my partner came to me, with what looked like a look of triumph on her face. She was holding a copy of Time magazine and showed me an article about successful relationships. She gave me a smile and said " read this " . I read it... and exploded.
This Doctor of whatever said that his studies revealed that the common denominator in lasting, loving relationships lay with the male. He found that if the man did all he could to keep his wife/partner happy through deference, respect and generally put her first in all things that you were garunteed a happy life together.
I got really angry! My partner and I had had a discussion/argument on who was responsible for what etc etc, that couples have, a little while back. She had a broad *I win* smile when I looked up from reading. I said " Bloody typical, what a beautiful cop out for you ladies. You lot can stand back, or more likely sit back, with your arms folded and say " make me happy! " I yelled. " you can say " It's your fault this relationship sucks, what are gonna do about it!" with impunity because some guy has a doctorate in some obscure field says so, I ranted. All the women who read this are gonna go " I knew it was him, here I am doing this and that and all my troubles are because he won't worship me and treat me like a princess at all times " I fumed further
My partner was taken aback by my vehemence, and so was I! As I was tirading about, a voice was going on in the back of my head. It was saying " why are you reacting like this? ".
I KNEW why. Even while I was yelling my discredit of this clown. I knew he was right. I hated the thought of him being right. It became clear to me, even in my fury, that men have a tremendous responsibilty. I know in my bones I am what makes this family work, despite my outward protestations.
At the time I had a young son and perhaps, the burden had suddenly become all so clear . I was rebelling against it. The pressure is too much. I have to make HER happy! It's not possible! Sometimes I breathe wrongly for her!! Let alone try to be the perfect paragon of a man of HER fantasies.
I try my best to be a good man, and make my partner happy. More often than not I fail horribly. I have this deep seated fear of being taken advantage of, not being respected for who I am. It colours how I react to many things. It still bugs me that, statistically speaking, successful relationships are heavily dependent on the man.
Growing up is a pain in the ass.