The Impregnator's Diary 3: 3rd Trimester – Dirty videos and fat ankles

I've heard the word 'vagina' said so many times over the last few months that I no longer find it amusing. Perhaps this is the sole purpose of antenatal classes – desensitising you to rude words so that you actually feel mature enough for fatherhood. Anyway, it has certainly worked on me, as I can now even look at pictures of bare breasts without so much as a smirk. When they said having a child would completely change your life, I never imagined it would take away such simple pleasures.

Having said all that, I wasn’t quite able to withhold my laughter throughout the childbirth video we were shown. I blame it on the dodgy background music and the fact that the woman sounded more like she was conceiving a child than giving birth to one. It didn’t help that we were introduced to the video as being a ‘Dutch film from the 80s’. I know that Holland produced some fairly explicit cinematic treats from that era, but nothing had quite prepared me for that display.