Playbook - Your Fatherhood Gameplan

10 Ways to be an All Pro Dad

1. Love Your Wife
True love is not a feeling. It is a decision. It’s an act of the will to be patient, kind, humble, hopeful, giving, faithful and trusting. When you commit to loving your wife this way, your feelings for her and hers for you will follow. Actively loving your wife will radically strengthen your marriage and will also be incredibly beneficial to your children. The number one source of security for kids is to know that their dad loves their mother and is steadfastly committed to her well-being.

2. Spend time with your children

"Just wait till your father gets home!"

Obviously, fathers are supremely aware that their parental role is not limited to paying the bills. For example, they know that their physical presence in the home makes a difference. And research backs them up on this point: children, especially boys, who grow up without the presence of a father are more at risk of developing problems of self-control, behaviour and adaptation. The reason is simple: as children develop, they require guidance, supervision, care and attention-an assignment likely to wear down even the most heroic super-mother raising a child alone, let alone two or three children (and sometimes a spouse for whom she must do the washing and ironing as well!). By sharing parenting tasks, the job can be done more thoroughly, with more consistency and in a way that is more balanced toward the child's needs and expectations.

My kids are driving me crazy!

My kids are driving me crazy! It's a refrain that's being heard around the country. And when you conduct parent workshops, the same issues that produce that refrain come up over and over for parents. No matter where you go, parents are talking about the same problems with their kids. And the sad truth about these problems is that parents are usually a big part of the problem.

Here are three issues that keep coming up for parents, and an explanation of how parents can often solve their own problems.

Problem #1: My kids don't listen to me

To expect that kids will listen to you perfectly all the time is an irrational thought. Kids don't listen and attend to things in the same way that adults do. They can be intensely focused on the activity they're involved with. Kids will often need you to repeat things a number of times in a patient, pleasant tone. And yes, your job is to be very patient with them.

Does discipline really change the behavior of children?

By Mark Lakewood

Do you sometimes get frustrated disciplining your child because the discipline appears to be ineffective? Do you sometimes change your discipline in search of the most effective one to use on your child? Have you come to the conclusion that no discipline is effective on your child? If you are experiencing any of these thoughts or feelings today, I would like for you to consider the following:

Have you ever wondered why so many people commit murder when they know the consequence is the death penalty or a lifetime in prison?

Soft on discipline = hard on family

It’s been a long, hard day at work. You want to come home and just relax and have fun with your kids. You don’t want to deal with discipline. But Mom has had the children for most of the day and she’s tired of the fighting and bickering. So she starts to discipline and wants you to help. This is not your idea of unwinding.

So what do you do? Support her. Absolutely. Children need a unified front from parents, and when Dad is viewed as the Softie, it makes Mom look like the Bad Guy and makes her job so much more difficult. And marital tension increases dramatically. If you have an issue with the way Mom is disciplining, wait to talk to her about it after the children go to bed. Short term, backing up your wife will be extra work. But long term it will be well worth it as your children will be unable to pit Mom and Dad against each other. The softer you are on discipline now, the harder it will be for your family.

10 Good Answers

Greetings! Today I’m sharing an interview with Abel Cheng of www.parentwonder.com on fathering from May 24, 2007:

1. Usually children are closer to mom for some reason. For a dad, how does he overcome this and form a closer bond with a child?
It’s important to understand that Dads get close to kids in their own way. It all depends on how we define “closeness.” Dads form a bond with their kids by doing things with them and sharing experiences. Mothers often are the ones that kids will go to when they have a problem or when they want to share their day, but Dads can be involved in that too. All they need to do is to listen well, not judge too much, and to share some of their life with their kids too.

2. How do we not lose our temper when our kids misbehave?

All Pro Dads - #3 Discipline with a Gentle Spirit

Welcome to All Pro Dad's 10 Ways to be a Better Dad online courses.
Continuing with number Three:

"Discipline with a Gentle Spirit"

Click on above link to view a video clip that, once viewed, will provide you a basic outline on how to be a better father.

Thanks for participating and please share your success stories with us as you put these 10 Ways to be a Better Dad principles to work in your family.

Keyword: "Growing"

Be aware—know what happened
Be alarmed—admit it bothers you
Be accepting—Solve the problem/save the person

Posted with permission from www.allprodad.com

How Fathers Matter for Healthy Child Development

Fathers parent differently from mothers and that difference matters greatly for children.
Fatherhood is just as essential to healthy child development as motherhood. In some measures, father-love is more important. The professional journal, Review of General Psychology, finds “evidence suggests that the influence of father love on offspring’s development is as great as and occasionally greater than the influence of mother love.” Fathering expert Dr. Kyle Pruett explains in Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as essential as Mother Care for Your Child, "fathers do not mother." Psychology Today explains, "fatherhood turns out to be a complex and unique phenomenon with huge consequences for the emotional and intellectual growth of children." Erik Erikson, a pioneer in the world of child psychology, explained that father love and mother love are qualitatively different kinds of love. Fathers "love more dangerously" because their love is more "expectant, more instrumental" than a mother’s love.4 A father, as a male biological parent, brings unique contributions to the job of parenting a child that no one else can replicate.

Following are some of the most compelling ways father involvement makes a positive difference in a child’s life. The first benefit is the difference itself.