Daddy's gonna eat your fingers

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said,
'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,'
pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

She replied,
'What happened to my bogey?'

I think you're the father of one of my kids

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello.

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."