10 Things I wish my parents had taught me ... better

Enough time has passed in my life where I can look back and (mostly) understand the things my parents taught me, or at least tried to teach me, or maybe forgot to teach me as I was growing up. I wish now that I had paid attention and listened to the importance of knowing these things and how they will ultimately shape the person that I have become, or have yet to become. I plan and hope that I will be able to teach these things to my son, so he truly understands the importance of each lesson as he begins his life. Here's my list:

Some thoughts about ADD

One in 20 grade-schoolers is taking drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder - or ADD. Now, some of these children may really need medication, but experts recommend that you examine your child's lifestyle before you medicate. Is his diet full of sugar, caffeine and processed food? Is he getting enough exercise? Is he getting too much stimulation from video games and TV?

But, more importantly, does your family life have structure? Is he getting enough attention from you? Often kids will act out to get noticed.

So, why not take a one-on-one weekend trip with him, and use that time to really observe and talk about his behavior. And talk about your relationship. For you may find that this is where the real attention deficit has been.

Here are some tips on parenting an ADD child:

1. Be consistent in rules and discipline.
   
2. Keep your own voice quiet and slow. Anger is normal. Anger can be controlled. Anger does not mean you do not love your child.
   
3. Try to keep your emotions cool by bracing for expected turmoil. Recognize and respond to any positive behavior, however small. If you search for good things, you will find them.
   
4. Avoid a ceaselessly negative approach: "Stop." "Don't." "No."
   
5. Separate behavior, which you may not like, from the child's person (e.g., "I like you. I don't like your tracking mud through the house.").
   
6. Establish a clear routine. Construct a timetable for waking, eating, play, television, study, chores and bedtime. Follow it flexibly when he disrupts it. Slowly your structure will reassure him until he develops his own.
   
7. Demonstrate new or difficult tasks, using action accompanied by short, clear, quiet explanations. Repeat the demonstration until learned, using audiovisual-sensory perceptions to reinforce the learning. The memory traces of a hyperactive child take longer to form. Be patient and repeat.
   
8. Designate a separate room or a part of a room that is his special area. Avoid brilliant colors or complex patterns in decor. Simplicity, solid colors, minimal clutter and a worktable facing a blank wall away from distractions help concentration. A hyperactive child cannot filter overstimulation.
   
9. Do one thing at a time: Give him one toy from a closed box; clear the table of everything else when coloring; turn off the radio/television when he is doing homework. Multiple stimuli prevent his concentration from focusing on his primary task.
   
10. Give him responsibility, which is essential for growth. The task should be within his capacity, although the assignment may need much supervision. Acceptance and recognition of his efforts (even when imperfect) should not be forgotten.
    
11. Read his pre-explosive warning signals. Quietly intervene to avoid explosions by distracting him or discussing the conflict calmly. Removal from the battle zone to the sanctuary of his room for a few minutes can help.
    
12. Restrict playmates to one or two at a time because he is so excitable. Your home is more suitable so you can provide structure and supervision. Explain your rules to the playmate and briefly tell the other parent your reasons.
    
13. Do not pity, tease, be frightened by or overindulge your child. He has a special condition of the nervous system that is manageable.
    
14. Know the name and dose of his medication. Give it regularly. Watch and remember the effects to report back to your physician.
    
15. Openly discuss with your physician any fears you have about the use of medications.
    
16. Lock up all medications to avoid accidental misuse.
    
17. Always supervise the taking of medication, even if it is routine over a long period of years. Responsibility remains with the parents! One day's supply at a time can be put in a regular place and checked routinely as he becomes older and more self-reliant.
    
18. Share your successful tips with his teacher. The outlined ways to help your hyperactive child are as important to him as diet and insulin are to a diabetic child.

Huddle up and ask your wife tonight: Do you think our child has ADD? Do you think it's a lifestyle or medical issue?

Posted with permission from www.allprodad.com

Dealing with your daughter’s first boyfriend - The nightmare begins

Oh those dreaded teenage years. As parents you may experience anxious feelings about the coming years when your children will grow up to be young teens. Those temper storms, stubborn behavior, changes in ways of thinking and so many new and difficult situations to deal with. And above all, you know deep within there will come a day when your daughter will start going out with a boy.

As a parent, acknowledge that everyone does start dating at some point. Don’t forget your past years as a teenager and youth. Dating is both a normal and good activity.

Natural disasters - helping your kids understand what's happening

Our thoughts are with all families in Canterbury this morning after the region was hit by another devastating earthquake yesterday. The following is an article from the SKIP website we ran after the last earthquake which parents might find useful.

The Christchurch earthquake has been frightening for everyone involved, especially for children who may not understand what has happened. Here are some tips for supporting children after the earthquake. At times like this when you are feeling stressed, scared or tired it can be hard to know what to say to your children or to know what to do.

How Do You Deal With Misbehavior?

Do you have a child that’s misbehaving?

This isn’t a child that wants to misbehave; It’s a child that is discouraged. Give him or her encouragement, and allow them a chance to contribute in meaningful ways to the family. Let them know when they’ve behaved the way you’d like them to.

And, spell out clearly what you expect from their behavior.

Kids don’t want to misbehave just to bother you. They do it for a reason - to feel more important, or to get more attention for themselves.

Do you want more misbehavior? Then punish him or her, and see what you get.

Warmly,

Mark

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
"Helping Men Succeed"

P.S. Sign up for a free newsletter. It is free, they will get a free copy of the popular article, "150 Things Dads can do for Their Kids", and it never hurts to become a better parent!

2:1 - dealing with toddlers when you are outnumbered

My wife travels frequently with her job and enjoys a lie in bed on the weekends (don't we all). However this often leaves me in a situation of having to parent our 2- and 4-year olds alone.

2:1 is quite a different challenge from a 1:1 situation; the following is some thoughts on how I approach these situations...

Get out and about and do things physical - walks in the park, feeding ducks, heading to the Zoo, the museum, the library, or even a Cafe. No matter what the kids have done during the week with our nanny they just love getting out and doing things with me (at least it seems that way), even if it is their third trip to the ducks. I find that getting them moving early in the day means that by night time they are pretty tried and a lot easier to deal with. Keeping them indoors with a DVD all day just makes them scratchy and ensures a poor night's sleep.

Peter and the Wolf

Have you read Peter and the Wolf to your kids yet? If not - why not get a book out from the library (perhaps with a CD) or check out the following links. It's an absolute masterpiece by Prokofiev and a such a fine example of how music and instruments can be used to paint characters, describe moods or even convey what happens in the story!

Recently Se-ma-for Studios (Poland) have done an award winning animation of the story, check this out!

Confessions Of a Dropper Offer

One thing about having a two year old or a kid at any age for that matter is that regardless of where you go or what you are doing you always have to bring along a portable toy chest. Now depending on your child and where you are taking it you might be able to get away with something as simple as a couple cars in the bottom of the diaper bag or you may just have to bring a separate "bag 'o' toys".

Plan the Best Family Holiday

Planning a family holiday that makes everyone happy can be real pain, especially when all the travel planning seem to fall one way, your way!
However planning the perfect family vacation is not pain as long as you know what everyone in your family enjoys from their holidays and what travel options are available for you have at your disposal. Before you start the planning process of for your family’s next trip, their are some great sites and just running simple search on the “best family holidays” should yield you some terrific family travel blogs and forums to help in gathering those ideas so you can build a great family vacation with the kids.

As many of the you may know I’m a father with two little nomads and understand the process required with creating a family trip that appeals to everyone, but with a little homework and planning you should be on your way to taking a great family holiday in a perfect destination that fits everyone needs.

The SAHD Truth: The Man Date

If you're going to be a stay-at-home dad, one thing I have to prepare you for is the man date. Not long into your tenure as a SAHD, your wife, sister, mother, and female friends will start to set you up with other stay-at-home dads. Needless to say, you will not be comfortable with this. But the women in your life will imagine you sitting at home in your pajamas all day without anyone to talk to, and will seek to set you up with other stay-at-home dads for play-dates. The men in your life will do no such thing because one, they will agree with you that it sounds a little weird, and two, they think that sitting at home all day in your pajamas sounds great.