Playbook - Your Fatherhood Gameplan

10 Ways to be an All Pro Dad

1. Love Your Wife
True love is not a feeling. It is a decision. It’s an act of the will to be patient, kind, humble, hopeful, giving, faithful and trusting. When you commit to loving your wife this way, your feelings for her and hers for you will follow. Actively loving your wife will radically strengthen your marriage and will also be incredibly beneficial to your children. The number one source of security for kids is to know that their dad loves their mother and is steadfastly committed to her well-being.

2. Spend time with your children

I thought I was just doing my job.

“I think you need to work on your math skills a bit, those are some basic problems you don’t understand.”

My daughter wasn’t overly thrilled with my “words of encouragement,” and neither was my wife. They joined forces against my verbal assault, giving me instructions on how to be more encouraging.

I thought I was just doing my job.

Fathers and mothers parent differently. It is a reflection of the differences between men and women. It is also the source of a great deal of conflict between parents. Fathers take an approach with their kids that’s more “blunt,” and that reflects their concerns with preparing them for the real world. Mothers take an approach that reflects their concern with their kids’ feelings, and how they’re doing in the world of relationships with others.

"You wash the floor, I'll load the dishwasher..."

Sharing household and parenting tasks doesn't mean that both parents care for and spend time with their children in equal and identical measures; rather, it is more a question of equity. In some families, fathers play a supporting role to mothers; in others they carry out specific tasks; in some, though this is atypical, they assume the lion's share of the parenting duties. There is nothing that says any one of these formulas is intrinsically better than the others; nor has it been shown that an ideal and rigid model of "equal" sharing of parenting duties is preferable to an "unequal" or asymmetrical model if the latter fulfills the needs of a specific family or couple.

The "Did you know you were gay?" question

One thing all gay men who have had relationships with women, and this is especially true if you are blessed with children, is the inevitable. "Did you know you were gay?" question. This conundrum seems to be a real mind-melt for a lot of people, especially when they have had little exposure to the gay thing, generally speaking.

I have lost count of how many times I have been asked that question by virtual strangers. There have been many times when my inner Paul has screamed "mind your own god damn business, when did you lose your cherry and what has my sexuality got to do with you"? While the outer more personable Paul smiles and responds with a more cordial, and socially usable cue card from the pile we all carry in our virtual back pockets, with something along the lines of "Well yes I did but it was a part of me I buried" etc etc etc.

Paul's story - granddad at 41

Just as I got into bed last night I received a text from my daughter. It read "One hundred years from now it will not matter what sort of house I lived in or the car I drove, because the world maybe different because I was important in the life of a child." I lay there in silence for some time and re-read the text as I thought it through.

Just to let you know, my daughter is twenty one and I have just turned forty one, literally last week. She announced on my birthday, by way of sending me a scan via our phones, a picture of my yet unborn, three-month old grandchild. Stunned is the word I would use to describe my 41st birthday! Anyway now you know a little about me, I want to get back to my point, and the point being is this. I love my daughter, she is the single most important person in my life and there have been many painful times over the years where my sexuality could have compromised my ability to be the father I wanted to be. I had to fight very hard to keep Emily in my life when I spilt with my then wife. She had huge issues of anger to manage, and I had huge issues of failure to factor into my life at the time. We had to meet somewhere in the middle. This was not a period of my life I would want to re-visit. It was tough, lonely and painful. My need to begin my journey as a gay man was greater than the cultural pressure to remain a husband.

Seven Steps to Baby Bliss

I have just watched a must see for all expecting and new fathers.

“Seven Steps to Baby Bliss” from www.dadstheword.com is not only very practical for expectant and new fathers it is also pretty funny too.

I felt it was totally aimed at fathers as the target audience, but I also believe it would have great benefit watching this DVD with your partner.

The role of the dad is highlighted says the back cover, and I completely agree.

In 28 minutes the “Seven Steps to Baby Bliss” DVD shows you how to:
* Settle a crying baby
* Bathing a baby
* Step by step guide and tips on nappy changing for both baby girls and baby boys
* Feeding a baby
* Baby massage
* Dressing your baby
* And SIDS prevention
* Relationship after baby

from www.dadstheword.com

OMG! - Not just another Father and Daughter article!!

Having a strong bond between a father and daughter is near and dear to my hear, especially being that I have a 5 month old little girl and I want us to make sure we have the best relationship from a male to female point of view. When i read this article i thought this is everything that i have been thinking and more. It really emphasises the importance of my role to her and makes me feel very priviledged and special, and somewhat scared of making sure I don’t stuff up

You can make your own conclusion but from what I read its scary stuff and as a father we have the most influence on our daughters behaviour from a young age.

- Scott

How Dads Can Help Raise Strong Daughters

By Carrie Gress

ROME, DEC. 25, 2007 (Zenit.org).- The way a father treats his daughter is a strong indicator of how she will relate to men for the rest of her life, says author and teen-health expert Doctor Meg Meeker.

Do You Let Your Children Help?

Greetings to you! The next time you consider whether you should have your kids doing chores around the house, consider this article. Hope you enjoy it:

You have a chore to do around the house, and your kids want to help out. You know it might be nice for them to help, but you're feeling a bit impatient. And you know it might turn into a two hour project, with a big mess to clean up. A mess that could be avoided if you did it yourself.

We've all been there, haven't we?

It can be so much easier to do the household chores and projects without the assistance from your little friends. After all, who's got the time in today's world to make a project longer than it needs to be?

You do.

Being a great father

To me being a father is one of the greatest privileges I have experienced in my life. I have two daughters one aged 20 and the other aged 10 from two different marriages. Having spent many Christmases with both my daughters my wife and my ex wife has demonstrated to me that even though a marriage may finish it is possible to still create a partnership with an ex when you are committed to making it work.

I have often reflected on what is the key to being a great father and I am not saying I have the answer, I still make many mistakes and I am clear that in relationship to my eldest daughter when I stopped being the authority in her life and started being a friend is when my relationship transformed. In other words I stopped being the boss and started getting along side her and getting in to her world and opening up to possible solutions verses telling her what to do. It works.

How Fathers Matter for Healthy Child Development

Fathers parent differently from mothers and that difference matters greatly for children.
Fatherhood is just as essential to healthy child development as motherhood. In some measures, father-love is more important. The professional journal, Review of General Psychology, finds “evidence suggests that the influence of father love on offspring’s development is as great as and occasionally greater than the influence of mother love.” Fathering expert Dr. Kyle Pruett explains in Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as essential as Mother Care for Your Child, "fathers do not mother." Psychology Today explains, "fatherhood turns out to be a complex and unique phenomenon with huge consequences for the emotional and intellectual growth of children." Erik Erikson, a pioneer in the world of child psychology, explained that father love and mother love are qualitatively different kinds of love. Fathers "love more dangerously" because their love is more "expectant, more instrumental" than a mother’s love.4 A father, as a male biological parent, brings unique contributions to the job of parenting a child that no one else can replicate.

Following are some of the most compelling ways father involvement makes a positive difference in a child’s life. The first benefit is the difference itself.