Dads and separation - how does the 1994 Child Support Act affect me?

Fathers who need to make contributions towards their children’s upbringing after separation generally do so through Child Support Payments. The Child Support Act is the New Zealand legislation that helps make this happen through the Child Support Scheme. This scheme is run by the Inland Revenue Department (IRD) and they ensure the money gets from you, the dad, to the mum or their principal carer. If the mum is a beneficiary then the money is kept by the government to offset the benefit payments.

Dads and separation - how to tell your children that you are separating

You have decided to break up and now you have to tell your kids. How can you tell them the news?

Preparation is the key. If you can somehow tell the kids together with your partner it might make it easier for them. Doing it this way sends a strong message of “we are still your parents” to your kids, even if you are not a couple any more. Whatever you decide on how to tell your children, think about what you are going to say beforehand. This is not one of those times to “wing it” and a bit of prep might help with nerves too!

Dads and separation - what happens to separated dads in NZ?

In most cases it is the mother who ends up looking after the children with fathers restricted to limited weekend visits and holiday times (although the starting position for time with children is actually 50 / 50). Some men choose not to be involved at all. As a result of reduced access dads often end up having a limited role in raising their children. It is a harsh reality having to face up to the likely possibility of only being able to see your children on a part-time basis.

Following separation, many dads experience some form of grief about being separated from their children and some dads mention a loss of identity not only as a partner but also as a full-time father.

Dads and separation - are we really separating?

You might be going through a difficult time in your relationship and may find yourself asking what the future holds. Separation often seems a possible or likely scenario if you believe your relationship is beyond repair. However it’s also important to understand that separation is not the answer to all problems and it’s certainly not an easy solution for your family. But whatever happens, your relationship with your children is most important and their needs must be put first, while also acknowledging your own. No matter what happens – your role as a dad is for life. It helps to put things in perspective when you keep this as a guiding principle to whatever you decide.

Battle Scars

I am divorcing and my children are with me half of the time (seven out of fourteen days, to be exact). Remaining a parent, under these conditions, makes our telephone conversations like the fruit that gets pressed on the spike to make juice. If I squeeze it hard enough, I will get the sweetest, largest drink. With every question, every detail, I squeeze and twist harder.

So, hearing their stories gives me this tell-able past. It's a past that I cannot have but can at least hear told, so I cling to their stories. I spoke with my children tonight on the telephone, and it reminded me of how each one of them has become a story in his or her own right.