“What are you thinking? Haven’t we talked about this before?” My seven-year-old son looked down at the food that had just spilled on the kitchen floor.

He stood statue-still, as children often do after an accident. The words and tone I’d used were having their impact. He braced himself to fight the tears, and prepared to clean things up.

When I thought about it later, I realized the worst moment wasn’t the food hitting the floor. The worst moment was seeing his face hiding the shame and anguish he was feeling. It was realizing I’d been responsible for helping him “shove down” big feelings too painful to deal with.

The truth was difficult. I was teaching my son to feel shame.

So how is it that we can do something like this to our children? ... read more >>